Io Sono in Pace

I finished the detox on Saturday and was able to return to normal eating on Sunday.  I stayed on track as much as possible with the program and ended up losing 6 pounds!  Of course Sunday was somewhat of a celebration day during which I gained 2 pounds back.  But now I'm on track again for this week with healthy eating.  The only thing I hate about this week is keeping a food journal.  It's not that I have trouble writing down what I eat, I just hate writing down how I feel about it for every single item.  But that's the main point of it.  It's more important to tune in to my body to see how I'm feeling about food rather than counting the calories.  I'm good at the calorie counting part but writing down my feelings seems kinda lame.  I know what I'm feeling, why do I have to write it down?  So I'm capable of noticing a pattern?  No problem, I feel guilty and sluggish when I eat junk and cheerful and vibrant when I eat healthy.  Done deal.  But I did drink an amazing peanut butter and banana smoothie this morning for breakfast.  It tasted incredibly unhealthy but it wasn't.  That made me feel good and satisfied.

By the way, Chris found a link on the AARP website where you can estimate the calories you burn a day.  Apparently I burn approximately 1800 on non cycling days and around 2000 on days when I do cycle.  At least that will help estimate the appropriate number of calories to take in.

Right now I'm not tired of the diet, I'm tired of journaling about it.

Doing well, down 3 pounds.  Still completely on track except for not eating rice last night and having a bite of a cookie this morning.

Stress:  Sigh . . . there are few times when I feel stressed.  Perhaps it's my job.  I'm so low on the totem pole that the only thing I could be stressed about is not having papers filed or messing up schedules.  These problems are easily solved.  My biggest stressor at the moment would probably be the danger of either Chris or I not making enough money to support ourselves.  Believe it or not this is a possibility.  But even though it is possible, I'm not that stressed about it.  Seriously, the worst case scenario isn't so bad.  Second stressor, also job related, is not finding a job that meets my potential.  Kinda sucks being a receptionist with an M.B.A.  Especially when I see how much other people make with less education.  But whatever,  I'm only 25.  Things will get better.

Stress level on a daily basis = 4

I deal with stress by cycling, knitting, and trying to stay optimistic.  These activities seem to clear my head very well.

Energy:  I'm happy with the time I go to bed and wake up.  Ever since I've been with Chris, I've followed his sleeping schedule.  I used to go to sleep around midnight or one in the morning.  Now I'm in bed between ten and eleven.  And of course I wake up around 5:45 to cycle.  On days when I workout I feel fabulous.  But when I don't I feel tired.  Especially on the weekends when we don't do anything.  Being energetic makes me a nicer person.  I haven't really noticed how food affects my energy level until this week.  I was very tired for the first few days of the detox but now I feel normal.  During pilates on Wednesday I felt really weak.  But I'm really looking forward to Sunday when I can eat something delicious like the spicy cheese puffs that Chris' parents brough back from the Country Mercantile in Ritzville.  Funny how I couldn't really think of what town the Country Mercantile was in.  I guess it's Ritzville(ish) or Tri-Cities(ish).  Somewhere between the two.

Found a lovely knitting related poem. 

Topic:  Exercise Habits.

Do I have an exercise routine?  Not really.  I exercise when I have time and when I'm motivated.  Motivation comes from looking at myself in the mirror or in pictures and realizing that I could do better.  But once I start exercising and I start feeling better, I begin making excuses to do unhealthy things.  I feel really motivated to exercise when I have a schedule time to do it or when someone is doing it with me.  Bicycle season is the perfect time of year for me because there are scheduled group rides and for the past few years I've signed up for a major ride which requires significant training.  I've also been doing pilates once a week at a studio.  I'm very fond of my exercise activities but I have trouble keeping a routine.

I love the way I feel after working out.  Especially after cycling.  After cycling, all I want is a shower and a nap.  Mmmm . . . lovely.  But alas, snow often prevents me from getting on a bike.  Actually money also prevents me from getting on a bike.  The maintenance can get pricey!  But luckily I have a stand that I can put my bike on and pedal indoors.  Indoor pedaling has been my exercise for the winter.  It's boring but it gets the job done.

Other than that, I really don't move during the day unless I'm walking from point A to point B.  I'm like the guy in the commerical who burns calories by opening and closing spreadsheets and sometimes walking to the copier.  Thank god for cycling.  I can't wait for the first ride on Bainbridge Island February 22nd!

Right now I'm really craving an enchilada with melty melty cheese.  But this chai tea I'm drinking is pretty good.  It smells like cake frosting.

So I've sorta kinda been into reading Martha Stewart lately.  I know, I know . . . but she does actually have some good tips and advice.  While surfing her site I found this Body and Soul Challenge.  So I'm giving it a try.  Really my only goal is to get to a healthy weight for my height and frame.  According to this site my healthy weight is somewhere between 106 and 120lbs.  I don't think I'm getting anywhere close to 106.  I've seen my mother who is about my height at that weight and it makes me nervous.  Somewhere between 115 and 120 would be nice.  That means I have between 18 and 13 pounds to lose from my starting weight.  Apparently I'm also supposed to journal during this challenge so that's why I'm writing all of this down.  I really don't expect anyone to read or care about this.  It just seems like an easy place for me to let out my thoughts.  But if you for some weird reason care, feel free to read.  I've got nothing to hide.

So I missed writing about day one which was yesterday.  So far so good yesterday.  I was just rediculously hungry after dinner because I only had rice and veggies.  But I did notice that I lost a pound this morning.  That could just be water weight though.  Perhaps the least healthiest aspect of my "normal" diet is that I eat the same amount of food as Chris.  We always divide our home cooked meals evenly.  Obviously I'm smaller and require less food than Chris does but I always want the same amount of food as he does.  I also crave sweets . . . A LOT.  By sweets I mean chocolate.  I could pass on almost anything except chocolate.  I've heard dark chocolate is somewhat healthy but I really don't need as much as I crave.

Perhaps the healthiest and easiest aspect of this challenge is the amount of water I have to drink.  Six to eight glasses of water a day is actually less than I would drink normally.  I guess I just get thirsty.  But of course that might not be a daily average.  So far I have noticed that my skin isn't as itchy or dry as usually.  Could be the weather, could be the water, who knows?

I've also heard that the reason many people gain weight is stress.  I get that people eat because its comforting.  But I don't think this is the case for me.  I don't really get stressed out on a regular basis.  Not that my life is perfect or anything but I think I'm pretty good at managing stress.  I think I just eat because it tastes good, I'm bored, or other people are eating.  The latter would probably be the main reason.  Just as I want to eat the same amount of food Chris eats, I also want to eat the same things he eats.  Which is sometimes good but mostly bad.  So my other goal is to have some awareness of portions and to distinguish between whether I'm really hungry or just in the mood to eat.

Every May as the school year ends, I am faced with both feelings of nostalgia and excitement. However, over the past few years I knew I would return at the end of the summer.  This year will be much different.  I didn't feel this way during my undergrad graduation because I knew I would be coming back for grad school.  But this is officially the end.  The end of school.  The end of childhood.  I've been slowly saying goodbye to Gonzaga and Spokane.  I've visited all those memorable places and said a few quiet words in my mind.  I know I'll miss those influential professors, those delicious restaurants, the friendly faces at O'Doherty's, Fast Eddie's and Knight's Diner.  I'll miss showing visitors the sights that can't be found in Yakima.  Gonzaga and Spokane have taught me many things over the years.  I've learned about relationships (both bad and good).  I've learned that I'm not as smart as I think I am.  I've also learned that I might be more of an adult than I think I am.  Gonzaga has taught me to know myself.  I'm still working on that but I have a decent outline started. 
This reminds me of when I left Florence on a morning train.  I gazed as long as possible at the tiled rooftops and promised I would return someday.  The culmination of memories flood back into my mind whenever I hear someone talk about their experiences there.  I know this will be true with Gonzaga and Spokane.  Even though I can easily return, it will never be the same.  Those memories have been converted to clips of nostalgia to be replayed when I chose.  Here's to the conversion and another bullet-point added to the outline of my life.

Dear Terry McLane,

I wanted to thank you very much for signing for the fedex package that was supposed to be sent to me.  Can I please have it now?  I've been asking around to see if anyone knows who you are and apparently you do not exist.  So when you finally do apparate into this world could you please put the package at my door?  I know you have my name and address.

Regards,

H

P.S.  (From WikiAnswers:  It is not a federal crime to take, open, destroy, or hide someone else's mail unless it happens after it was mailed and "before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed". 18 USC sec. 1702.)  Apparently if you open my package you're in a world of hurt, Mr. McLane.

Have you ever flipped someone the bird?  I did this morning.  It's strange the feeling you get when you know someone really understands how much you want to slap them.  At first you feel relieved that you were able to express your emotion.  Next you feel a slight bit of guilt for having openly expressed these feelings.  If your opponent returns your sentiments with another finger you literally cannot control your shaking from holding in the need to go ballistic.  That's what happens to me anyway.

Here's the scene:  I'm happily driving along controlling my speed and watching my mpg meter.  I come upon a place in the road where two lanes merge into one.  I notice a silver  . . . something car behind me with a woman driver attempting to pass me on the right side (the lane that ends).  With no time left to pass me she pulls behind me with inches to spare.  Since I have absolutely no patience for tailgaters I pull my "get off my ass move" which is just driving about 5 miles under the speed limit.  This lady apparently didn't want to comply and pulled even closer to me.  We both come to a fork in the road where I was hoping she would go one way and I the other.  Luck being on my side we both turned right and again the tailgating continued.  Since this was a fairly wide two-lane road I decided to pull off to the side.  As she passed I expressed my feelings of contempt by giving her the finger.  Feeling elated I watched her pass with her finger also in the air.  You have no idea how much a hot pink diamond-encrusted fake finger nail adds to the bitchiness of the bird. 

This is when the shaking took hold of me.  Plus I had one of those moments when I imagined all the different scenarios that could have taken place and what I would have done.  I imagined us both stopping at the upcoming stoplight.  I would roll down my window and say something like, "Are you late for the bitch convention?" (lame but the best remark I could think of at the time)  She would probably respond with some poorly planned remark about my driving like an old woman.  I would retort with a comment about how driving sensibly is not only safe but saves gas.  She wouldn't care about saving gas because she's probably a Republican (sorry Republican friends, I still like you).  I would have the last word and she would drive away too quickly and get pulled over by a cop.  Too bad it didn't work out that way.  I just drove through the green light almost pleased with myself and shaking like hell.

I've never considered myself to be a good writer so right now I'm going to abandon organization and rational structure.  Let it flow!

Weddin' Plannin'
Who knew that ordering 125 sheets of paper (invitations) could be so stressful?  I got an awesome deal though.  You wouldn't think so but going through a local stationer is way cheaper than the internet.  I've never questioned the spelling of simple words so much as I did while placing the order.  1 out of 5 bridesmaids has a dress so far (you rock Ann!).  Sometimes I feel like a sheep wanting to get married, buy a house, and have kids.  Maybe I could be more efficient with this lifetime by joining the Peace Corp or committing myself fully an important cause instead of continuing to overpopulate the human race.  I guess you could call this my endless quest to understand the meaning of life.  Meanwhile I'll stick to the regular plan.

Health Stuff
I nicked my ear like crazy with a comb.  At first I thought it was a bug bite or a zit but those shouldn't really bleed that much.  This is a lame ramble.  You probably think I'm drunk but sadly I'm not.  I've been working out like crazy but haven't lost any weight.  The knot tells me this is completely normal.  It would probably help if I didn't eat so much crap.  My muscles are looking alright though and I can allllllmost win at wrestling matches with Chris.  This exercise will definitely come in handy for engagement photos, climbing Mt. Adams, and riding my bike from Seattle to Portland.

Shcool Shtuff
Next week is finals which should be alright.  I'm excited for trailer courses but not excited that one of my other classes overlaps with my Monday night trailer.  Two class at the same time and on the same night?  Hmm . . . we'll see how that plays out.  Sometimes I feel like a total ass for sitting in the lounge and flipping through newspapers just to get to the crossword puzzles but the news just pisses me off.  I really just want to shut it off until the election rolls around.  Honestly, I could care less about the banter.  I've made up my mind and I just want to vote and get it over with already.  Although that Keith Olbermann has great taste in neckties.  Straight men and purple ties?  Who knew?

Job Stuff
Nothing to speak of yet.  Although that guy at the bank seemed pretty interested.  I'd really rather work in the office area of the hospital or for a local winery.  The winery thing would actually make me very happy but I really don't know much about wine.  But I think I could learn.  I also love making people feel welcome and showing them things that they might not have discovered otherwise.  I have no idea what the pay would be like but it would be nice to make enough to afford a decent apartment and save up for a house.

Recent Crazy Dream
Javier Bardem's character from No Country for Old Men mixed with the girl from The Ring who goes around killing people by staring at them until their faces become contorted. 

I'm so sorry if you read this.  You probably just wasted a couple minutes that could have been spent donating money to starving children . . . or stalking other people . . . whatever.

I have a ticker on my myspace profile which reads that I have 2 months until graduation.  Graduation used to be awesome but now it's absolutely terrifying.  I desperately need a job.  Any job really that will pay me a living wage . . . and hopefully some benefits.  I created an account on Zagtrax which I'm now convinced is an absolute joke.  I've never had my e-mail crammed with so many jobs that I could never accept.  Sorry Zagtrax, no matter how awesome you think I am, I will never be able to apply as an electrical engineer or nurse.  A degree in fine art and business do not equal engineering.  What's even more scary than not finding a job is finding some job that I'm okay with but sticking with it for years and never really being satisfied.  I'm feeling like a bird standing at the edge of the nest with the looming threat of being pushed out.  I need a job, and some balls.

I searched for this song online after hearing it in a Zune commercial.  When I found out it was by Rogue Wave, my heart melted.  I knew this band would be amazing!  This song + running at the gym until my heart wants to burst out of my chest = feeling completely human.

In outline format!

New stuff I've encountered/experienced/noticed
I.   Wrote my first bitchy e-mail
    1.   It felt awesome
    2.   I'll have to do it again the next time I get the chance
II.   The nuances of grad school kids (the business school ones)
    1.    Only ask questions in class for the sake of letting everyone else know how much you know
            A.   I may be guilty of this
            B.   However I do it very infrequently (mostly to fake that I've read the text)
                   i.  I'm sure other students do it for the same reason but they sound so damn show-offish
                   ii.  Students with many years of work experience are especially brandish
    2.   Be liberal with your cell phone in class
            A.   They make no attempt to hide texting activity
            B.   They don't really understand the concept of the "silent ring"
            C.   Uh, is this okay in your workplace?
            D.   I realize you may have children who require your attention but if you can find time to take a class you should be able to make your attention available (within reason of course, I know kids sometimes bring on emergencies) to the professor
            E.   I'm surprised that professors put up with this from the grad students and not with the undergrads
III.   Watched someone die for the first time in my life
      1.   It was a natural death
      2.   It was quite slow and expected
            A.   Because of the emotion I felt towards this person, I was honored to be there during his passing
            B.   It was a moving experience that made me a little less fearful of my own eventual expiration

I've just realized that I only vent my anger in writing and never to people directly.  So if you've ever suspected that these angry rants come consistently at certain times of the month, I assure you that it is merely a coincidence.

I just wrote a somewhat nasty e-mail to the associate dean of the business school in response to an e-mail she sent to all of the graduate assistants.  It should be noted that this e-mail is a follow up to one containing a list of classes which have not yet had course evaluations administered to them.  Thank God I just finished the evaluations for my courses.  Here is a copy of her e-mail:

I find the lengthy list of classes below very troublesome.  It is necessary that EVERY section of EVERY class be evaluated.  We cannot properly schedule through our office unless GA’s notify us as to the times that have been determined.  If you, the GA, do not notify (name has been deleted for privacy) by 12:00 noon Tuesday (tomorrow) as to when you will pick up and administer these forms, such failure will be noted on your application for Spring GA awards.  It is the responsibility of the GA to contact the faculty member to arrange these, not the other way around.

 Thank you to all who have notified us and have, or soon will, administer the evaluations.  This is a straight forward process that should not require so many nagging emails.

......and this is my response to that e-mail:

Dr. (deleted for privacy),

I realize that course evaluations are a necessary part of running the business school and
that sending out an e-mail to all GA's is easy and less time consuming.  However I found
your e-mail exceptionally rude.  I would suggest that the next time you attempt to get
something done by making unnecessary threats you communicate it to those specific
individuals with whom you have a problem.

Thank you,

Heather Hazel

I swore to myself after writing this that I wouldn't click on the send button but computer mice have a nasty habit of doing whatever the hell they want. (oops)

Please tell me I wasn't out of line?

 

Chris recently found this musical tidbit and I felt compelled to post it for all to see:

I'm feeling particularly in love with life today.  So in honor of that I will post an updated list of my favorite beautiful/awesome people:

Mom
Kate Winslet
Emmy Rossum
Emma Thompson and Maggie Smith
Marty Feldman
Ziyi Zhang
Stephen Fry

On that last note, here is a bit of humor to brighten the day:

For those who are interested.  Here's a picture of my wedding dress.  Wearing it is absolute heaven.  The one I got is Ivory/Champagne.

After tonightss shenanigans I've learned a few lessons:

1.  People who you thought were professional during school hours, sometimes are the complete opposite after a few drinks.

2.  Sometimes an engagement ring means nothing to drunk desperate people.  They will even ask you several times whether you are dating anyone, each time you reply, "Well I date my fiancee".  Hint hint:  the real answer to your question is no and I don't want you to even consider it.

3.  Men allow their eyes to drift towards the southern region of your body without much awareness that they are doing so.  I generally ignore this behavior and turn towards the other members of my group who are not as interested in the sexual functions of the body.

4.  When having a great conversation, gender, sexuality, and romantic feelings can be completely ignored provided that all members of the group initially agree.  It is possible to have great conversations in bars as fellow people and not as separate genders with romantic and sexual objectives.

P.S.  There's a guy passed out in our lawn (cute).

So I know I haven't written in a while but if you really wanted to know what's been going on, I'm sure you would already know because I'm either that close to you or you care enough about me to make a minimal effort at stalking.  Anyway, the only tidbit of wisdom I have to offer is that it is very unwise to get jalapeno liquid in/around your eyes.  The burning really allows you to imagine the positive aspects of an abrupt suicide.  Fun fun.

I'm not sure if I read this wrong but did this guy have a  "moment" with a sheep?  Or is he calling someone a sheep?  Craigslist can be quite entertaining.

This article made me feel warm and fuzzy.  And yes I have been known to gather precious yarns and then not use them except for rubbing against my cheeks and making cooing sounds.  For me yarn has become as luxurious as chocolate.  I can't seem to get enough.